Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her a
joke on Wednesday.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always
been like that.
Q. A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her
window seat?
A. Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind
tunnel.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and
tell them to sit in the corner.
Q. How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write "Please turn
over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A.
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing,
they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's
where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg
room!
Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a
turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A.
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The
more you bang it, the looser it gets!
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A.
An airbag.
Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon
tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A.
Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she
can have a doggie bag for later.
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry
worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry.
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off
and fell down the drain.
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could
lip read.
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park
in the handicap zone.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone
has been in a 747.
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter
is difficult to spread.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull
the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A.
Artificial intelligence.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette
with bad breath.
Q. What do blondes and cow poop have in common?
A. The older they
get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens
the car door.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A.
When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking.
Q. What does a blonde say when you ask her what the last two words
of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball.
Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always
hear about them but never see them.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A.
Cause it said concentrate.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A.
The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The
brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She
sold her car for it.
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A.
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they
have blond boyfriends
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both
empty from the neck up
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with
handlebars
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and
go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a
stamp on it.
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker
at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her
a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A.
Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Random Facts:
|
- Barbie's full name is Barbara
Milicent Roberts.
- It is impossible to lick your
elbow.
- A crocodile can't stick its
tongue out.
- A shrimp's heart is in their
head.
- People say "Bless you" when
you sneeze because when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.
- In a study of 200,000 ostriches
over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do
so).
- It is physically impossible
for pigs to look up into the sky.
- A pregnant goldfish is called
a twit.
- Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz
produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
- By law, every child in Belgium
must take harmonica lessons at Primary school.
- On average, a human being will
have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
- More than 50% of the people
in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
- Rats and horses can't vomit.
- The "sixth sick sheik's sixth
sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
- If you sneeze too hard, you
can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
- Rats multiply so quickly that
in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
- Wearing headphones for just
an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
- If the government has no knowledge
of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it
illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
- In every episode of Seinfeld
there is a Superman somewhere.
- The cigarette lighter was invented
before the match.
- Thirty-five percent of the people
who use personal ads for dating are already married.
- A duck's quack doesn't echo
anywhere, and no one knows why.
- 23% of all photocopier faults
worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.
- In the course of an average
lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
- Most lipstick contains fish
scales.
- Cat's urine glows under a black
light.
- Like fingerprints, everyone's
tongue print is different.
- If you keep your eyes open by
force, they will pop out. |
